I realised i have nothing much to talk about some issues. But these issues did leave me with many things to ponder about. And writing down my thoughts have always been so much easier for me.

Am i too judgemental and critical about things? Am i too forceful in getting ideas across? Am i too demanding? Sometimes i think none of these describe me in any sense, at least not in the extreme manner. This is the way i get my perspectives across. This is the way i express myself. But things that friends say makes me feel that i'm just overly-critical and demanding. I don't understand why people always think that i'm ordering them around. If any of you think i should get down to all the formality and say," Can you please kindly help me..." instead of "oei! go and do...", i will do it. i don't really fancy being called bossy. really.

The only thing i want to say is that i expect a lot from friendships or any relationship. I want my friends or boyfriend to do things for me because they want to, not because they have to. I am willing to give sufficiently enough for my friends so i expect or at least hope that friends will reciprocate. Sometimes when friends say," It's too last minute, don't think boyfriend will be happy." or "I've tutorials tmr.", i feel...... I am not someone who will turn down a spontaneous dinner with a friend because of my studies or boyfriend. Not that i think people who do that are mean or anything of such sort. They do love their friends but they have their priorities as well. I understand. I really understand. A part of me always hope that i can be like them, be tied down with all my stuff and not tried so hard to play my role as a good friend. But this is just not me.

I was trying to talk to Liyi yesterday. Asked if Weijie is objecting of her going out with us, blah blah. I realised i'm no longer angry. I forgot why i was so angry about. I guess when i listen without resentment and with an open-heart, i learn to respect and accept people's perspectives and actions. But for me, this takes time. And i'm just too quick with my words, saying whatever i feel without sparing any thoughts for others.

But like what dorothy says," We are all friends! Why don't we understand? Why can't we accept each other as who she is?" So i guess after understanding, i can only accept and let whatever i'm feeling inside heals.

can't wait for the Goingaways to go. not that i really want them to leave. for me, it marks the end of sending-offs at the airport and making of farewell gifts which is equivalent to the start of mugging for me. Mid-term recess is next week. In other words, exams are in 7 weeks.

i love u girls! i want to be a happy flower! i really just want to be happy :) liting 12:30 PM 0 comments