Ah. I haven't written here in the longest time.

And I have some grave issues.

I can't stop eating! :( Surely, this is too much, even as I cockily told Dooey, "Seriously, how fat can I get?".

Perhaps I can blame it on the weather - its getting incredibly cold, incredibly quickly. Seemingly, autumn has been skipped over this year, and we're going straight from summer (it has been amazing weather right up til it gets really cold) to winter. Snow is reported this coming Friday and Saturday :P I wonder if I should rejoice or just shudder in horror. Well, remember how I wrote previously about how I don't know how cold is really cold? Now I know.

I can't even walk five minutes outdoors without gloves before my fingers freezes and starts to hurt. And don't get me started on the freaky wind.

Alright, that is enough whining about the cold.

So I'll be coming home on the 9th of January, and arriving in sunny Singapore on the 10th :)

A gentle reminder: MAMBO on the 11th. Nobody gets to chicken out on this.

And that's that :) Dorothy 3:36 AM 0 comments

i love studying at PP Mac. i've visitors daily. some came specially to look for me (Wanqing and Waikeong) while some (Tze, Malcolm and Rong) happened to drop by. thanks anyway. it really brightens up my days :)

one more very important person that makes studying at PP Mac really enjoyable is this really really really cute guy that i'm totally smitten with. he has eyelashes that are so long and eyes that are so sparkling bright. oh, not to forget the cheeky smile, the way he walks and his tattoos. we made friends :) it was a long story how we became friends. BUT he is only sixteen who thinks that i'm seventeen or eighteen. lol :)

OMG. i'm so in love with his eyes. he's really really damn cute. oh gosh...

should get back to studying. my LAST paper tmr morning :) And i'm STILL sick. It has been 3 weeks since exams started. hope it will get better after exams end :)

P.S. Will blog more about him after exams. Jason Tan :) liting 10:16 PM 0 comments

Hey Gals!

As everyone is struggling in S'pore with exams and stuff... Anne is FINALLY IN SEATTLE! I've stolen Liyi's LAN connection while she is sleeping... Seattle's great, Liyi's n Qiuyi's Uni is BLOODY NICE. as in REALLY REALLY REALLY nice. and i've decided to do a transfer to here in my 1 month left of SEP... lol.

Actually I just wanted to give a shout out to the gals who are not goneaways and have to struggle with their exams first. esp yun coz her exams has just started. ALL THE BEST!!!! Hols are near... we have to plan our HK trip!!! lol i am so looking forward to it. =)))))))) super la. I miss u guys and i just can't describe how I felt when i met Qiuyi and Liyi... GOT SO EXTREMELY happy and excited. and they actually bought me a FLOWERRRRRRRRRRRR... a HAPPY flower=))

Ok now i am going to go back to doing my work Anne 2:38 AM 0 comments

I was the one talking to Anne about going Mambo and she said she was going to post it on the Mass Blog.

So I read it and I seriously was wondering, "How did Anne manage to get the other Goneaways to agree to go Mambo so fast." Then I realised. There are four Goneaways. Half means just Anne and Me lah! Fuck. Got confused for a while. Qiuyi 5:51 AM 0 comments

Half of the goneaways have decided. We are going to MAMBO on 4th January AND 11th January. is everyone in accord? The more people the merrier! Anne 5:50 PM 0 comments

*HUGz* Anne 10:47 AM 0 comments

Should i be glad that i have loads to slack... study... watch vcds... do wateva i wan... or should i be upset and miserable for the lack of friends..?

Msged LT in the morning, she isnt going PP to study. Neither is WQ. Oops, suddenly felt... lost? No one to study with, so decided to stay at home and recharge myself... spent the day flipping my notes... watching vcds... surfing the net... msning... boring. but that's what im gonna do for at least the next one month. That wouldnt be v hard to survive. =)

I simply cant stand that wicked disgusting evil .... ugly stinking witch. I think she juz wanna drive me crazy... how evil can she get. Doesnt even let me go after i resigned. Called my HR manager and complained that i dint do a proper handover, causing her and the new ger to go back to the office to finish the work on a Sunday. Oh come on, blame it on her inefficiency and stu-pid(g)-ity!! She cant meet the dateline for submission and so she pushed it to me? How convenient..

I hate having to receive calls and answering "yah, i did teach her this".. "yah, i taught her that"..

I hate having the feeling that it's ALL my fault that im in this predicament.. even though i know it takes two hands to clap.. my left and my right? *hah

I hate to think that.. everyone would think it's my fault.. that things turn out bad..

I hate missing everyone. AliC3 5:50 PM 0 comments

I am so GLAD that watching videos of me DRUNK has brought so much joy into your lives. I think u gals REALLY have to go out and get YOURSELF RIP ROARING DRUNK. On another note... is USD 60 too much to spend on a Guess Jacket? Anne 9:43 AM 0 comments

Took a really long break from school work yesterday. First time in weeks. All I can say is it was really recuperative. It puts me back into perspectives. I simply love chit chatting by the beach. Thanks Tze! liting 5:19 PM 0 comments

Wanqing and I were so bored that we have been watching Anne's birthday video clips for the past two days. It simply never fails to bring laughters :) But watching them made me realised how much I miss you girls.

I totally agree with what Wanqing said. There is no one else to call to share about things. :( Sure I could call Wanqing, Waikeong, Rong and Tze. But it's just different. Rong and Tze might just think that I'm mad to call them about some really trivial stuff. I NEED my friends back in SG.

Life hs been pretty boring. Yet stepped into town for three weeks! Oh gawd! I can't believe myself. The places that I frequent were PP, Geylang Bahru, Chomp Chomp, SAJC and NTU. I'm such a loser. This period of exams seems really long. Feeling slightly drained. So tomorrow, I'm taking a break! Don't tell me about my Monday paper. I deserve a break right? :) Dinner with Tze and Rong tomorrow. It has been so long since I last met Tze. 2 weeks and I kind of miss this best guyfriend of mine.

GoneAways, please continue to take good care of yourself. Text or call me if anything is amiss ya? I love you girls!

Going to eat my Rochor Beancurd. :) liting 11:30 PM 0 comments

Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway. That's the card that Anne sent it to me.

I love the mornings. This is the time when my mind is the clearest. This is the time when I feel there is so much more in life.

Anger has finally subsided. Most of the frustrations and disappointments are gone for good. liting 9:07 AM 0 comments

HAHAHA that means tt by the time I leave Seattle, I'll have the bracelet!!! erm... am i expected to POST it back? can I... bring it on a plane ride back on NYD? who in singapore hasn't gotten it yet?? Anne 1:18 AM 0 comments

Wanqing and I will be posting the Bracelet to Qiuyi and Liyi tomorrow. Sorry for the delay. Wanqing has fixed a temporary catch and also attached a new charm to it.

Anne! Thanks for the lovely cards. I love you loads. muack! liting 9:52 PM 0 comments

Can you imagine - Tomas just asked me about what I got so upset about (refer: to rant-entry on my blog).

And he also asked me how come I'm so relaxed about exams, and thinking about such stuff, because he is getting nervous about it. He, who has written 3 thesis. Me, who has not even gotten my BA.

So I will cool down.

And hopefully, I'll do some work in the process. Dorothy 8:11 AM 0 comments

I would like to repeat this, PLEASE do not victimise Tan Yun.

Leave Wanqing alone. She is as affected. In the first place, the GoneAways were the ones that said," Sit down and talk about it." Given the amount of time we have and how busy our dear friend, Tan Yun is. This IS the way chosen to TALK things out. GET IT?

Ask Wanqing to blog about her views. She did. That is how she felt. Let it be. Harsh words may be used. But I felt it was not one-sided. So harsh words were EXCHANGED.

Leave Wanqing alone because I feel she is REALLY very disturbed about everyone asking her about her posts this morning so much so that she was thinking about it during her exams. Imagine a rational Wanqing doing that?
Another reason why you should leave Wanqing alone is that she stopped in the middle of a filter lane to drop us off for the train. You girls should know that Wanqing doesn't even like to drop people off at bus stop. Symptons of depression?
And she called me everynow and then to ask if I understand. Wanqing, I really do.

Just now, Wanqing, Alice, Waikeong and I went for supper to celebrate my 3 1/2 year aniversary which happens to coincide with our 7 1/2 year anniversary :) And thanks to me, Wanqing and Alice each has a rose. I had more though :)
In case of any misunderstanding, I was alone at PP Mac studying before Waikeong comes. Alice called and came. Wanqing called and came. So we were studying together.

Tan Yun, I FINALLY recalled once that you "organised" a meeting. It started off with me asking you if you wanted to study together. But you replied saying that you are not free since you need to visit the salon to dye and cut your hair. After an hour, you text me to ask if I want to join YOU AND JUDE who are meeting TZE later. But I rejected. Were you talking about this? BECAUSE I REALLY CAN'T RECALL.

You know when I think about it. It is silly. Why the fuck are we quarrelling over a relationship that might not work out? Yah, it is affecting our friendship in a way. But still. My stand is," Friends will always stay, boyfriends don't."

If you guys want to shut the blog, GO AHEAD. This problem will never be solved if the person directly involved continues to say, "I tried but I don't know what to do." Perhaps, there's no need for Tan Yun to explain. I agreed with Qiuyi. It is her choice. BUT if it really matters so much to her, she will.

Dorothy, I think you need to cool down too. liting 12:49 AM 0 comments

I really don't like this. This is absurd. I may be 'abroad', but that doesn't mean that I am out of touch with everything back home alright. And it also does not mean that I'm commenting from a distance, and so it is 'relatively easy for me to say' that its silly. It is silly. Even if I'm at home right now, I'll still be saying the exact same thing. Not silly because the issues are crap and not really that significant (how can it be insignificant when people get this hurt?) - but silly because everyone is acting like kids.

In response to what Anne said about personal entitlements and ideologies, I do agree that they are subjective and shifts from persons to persons. That is exactly why we cannot ask shit questions like, 'why is she like that?'. Its just fucked up, because she is just like that okay. That is the kind of answers you'll get if you ask this kind of screwed up questions.

I just wrote a whole chunk, but deleted it because it may cause quite a stir again. And I don't want to be responsible for that.

So everyone just go away, and shut up for a while okay.

This blog is not meant to be for this purpose - and if it comes to this, then we'll have to shut it down.

So just go away. Time out for three days. Dorothy 5:53 PM 0 comments

I blogged about how I felt, and Anne Liyi and Dot said I was too harsh. The trouble is that I really feel that way, and I was under the impression that we were all asked to blog about how we feel.

My previous entry was not meant to be aggressive. I won't apologise for it because it wasn't my intention in the first place.

So from now on I will blog about how I think instead. Stop asking me what I want Yun to do, and none of the "obviously you want her to do something". I want nothing. In the first place, I'm the one who was attacked. Have you forgotten?

All of this seems silly to all of you, that's relatively easy to say since most of you are abroad. Granted, it seems silly, and exaggerated. But I've said over and over again, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't care anymore. But it still gets brought up and again, why are you not speaking to her, what is happening at home.

I'm beginning to feel its my fault for even feeling hurt in the first place, when Yun's boyfriend slandered me. Everyone says, give benefit of the doubt. I say fuck that.

To all the goneaways, dear qiuyi liyi anne and dot, If you really want to say that I am harsh, put yourself in my shoes.

1. You deleted the tag from the group's tagboard. The nick is "TIP", it says "you can choose the word verification option to turn off spam comments. don't call yourself a tech princess if you don't even know this". No one saw this tag except dot.

2. You saw Jude's blog the following night, the latest entry is this:

"Laughable

Some people are just pathetic. Don't go blowing your own trumpet if you have absolutely no substance to back it up. Looked in a mirror recently?

Oh, by the way, it was a good tip, no? I wonder why it was deleted. Your over-inflated pig-skin of an ego cannot take it?

Bah, whatever.

I won't even bother with your silly games and petty childishness. You are pathetic."

3. Yun asks, he denies. You feel like someone put words into your mouth when he was the one who said it in the first place.

4. Then everyone tells you "Are you sure its him? Give benefit of the doubt." when you've explained over and over. Seems like no one really knows anything or believes you.

Fast forward to today. Repeat 4.

Its just frustrating. I swear I won't blog about this anymore, or about how I feel towards Yun or Jude. This should be the least of my worries, and from now on, it will be. Anonymous 8:47 AM 0 comments

You girls have made me cry already. *pissed* Sort this out or shut the blog. It wasn't meant to b like Pandora's box Anne 8:12 AM 0 comments

I started on a post. I deleted the post. I am starting on another post. I had a msn conversation with QIUyi and Dot today. I might have just increased their misunderstanding. I might just have misunderstood. but thatz not the whole reason y i became so goddamn frustrated. Doesn't anyone who isn't directly involved in this get it that it isn't about what some one is entitled to do or not? What i think i am entitled to do differs from what another person thinks he is entitled to do. Entitlement is subjective. Ideology is subjective. we cannot base the whole argument on individual ideology coz the premise itself shifts from person to person. What i think is ok might not b ok for the other person. It is not about attributing blame and saying... why is she saying this? or why is she saying that? She shouldn't this, she should that... why can't this why can't that. these are JUST RHETORICAL QUESTIONS that serve no purpose. coz if u tell me this what do u expect me to do about it man? Visit a bomoh and work some black magic? For goodness sake i'm in the STATES.

What I see here is just utter madness. There is a problem. THere are problems. State the problem. State the situation. State the hurt. State what u want to state. why do u feel this way? what is the thinking behind it? HELL it doesn't HAVE TO BE RATIOANL ok? emotions are not rational. it can be as illogical as hell but just work with it as a premise and let the healing process start SOMEWHERE. Then FOCUS on solving it instead of... interrupting each other and then digressing and all. and crisscrossing issues. It is distressing EVERYONE.

I requote what i wrote before

sometimes, the trouble with the lot of us is that we do not give people the benefit of a doubt. *We do not have the habit of 'walking in their shoes' as Atticus Finch suggested to Scout, thus not allowing for or tolerating, to a large extent, actions that breach our fundamental concepts of morality, friendships, relationships, etc.

Moreover, we have reached this point whereby we simply speak our minds without actually THINKING of how it would be interpreted, how it would be RECEIVED. The nuances of tone, choice of vocabulary have most of the time been dispensed off. To me at least, to take for granted that your friend KNOWS what you are saying in spite of the tone you are using is foolhardy. So many of us have fallen into this trap. OF COZ i know you want me to do something, of coz i know you don't mean harm or mean to hurt anyone's feelings, of coz i know u would still remain my friend forever, even if u say otherwise. However, what one knows deep inside does get superseded by the immediate message that one receives via the tone used. Reactions would certainly differ accordingly- and that's only human. Multiply this reaction by a few times, and it gets quite scary.

what we need is a little understanding, a little more open-mindedness, we need to know how to 'heal' and reconcile our respective feelings and perhaps listen more. To listen without a preconceived opinion. (or counterarguments in our heads)

When one looks at it in the macrocosmic scheme of things, it doesn't seem as complicated, as MAJOR. Yes, it is inevitable that someone's feelings get hurt sometimes, but what make friends friends is the effort made towards negating this hurt. Perhaps it's not about who is RIGHT or WRONG, for that is subjective, but about accepting that the other person has her own version of the story, her own right/wrong, explaining your own version and finally accepting that these versions might not coincide, and that a consensus, a compromise, may not reached. 'What are we going to do about it then?' Stop talking, go away, and just let the issue go for a while before thinking about it.Accept the conclusion and do what u have to do. (without thinking or talking about it anyone.)

Qiuyi asked me. why does yun have to explain herself? i concur to the fact that she doesn't have to. but when things become as BIG as this. u want misunderstanding or u want understanding? itz jsut circumstances. I sure as hell do not know what yun is going through but it is definitely miserable and shitty... I sure as hell duuno what the rest of u are going through.... coz i'm just not u... but i spent today thinking and thinking and thinking about this and have reached the conclusion that this is a total adsurd state of affairs that we have landed ourseleves into. For GOODNESS SAKE can u guys just step away and just look at what's happening?

there has to be mutual effort made to bridge this gulf... u can't just say what u want and then wait for the next person to make the next move. Realistically the probability of reconcilign is of coz lower right?

and don't ask me rhetorical questions.

on a brighter note. Is WK going to keep the car? w or without COE? got buy 4D or not? Anne 3:43 AM 0 comments

Please do not victimise Tan Yun. It's not that we are ALL against her. We are ALL feeling the same frustrations and disappointment.

Tan Yun: Reason why we don't ask you to join our spontaneous outings, I think it's self-explanatory. They were spontaneous. Yes, it's indeed true that you have never say you are not going out with us because of him. But there were times (many) when I asked you out but you have something on. I can choose to give you the benefit of doubt but sometimes I really don't. Simply because, Jude was with you. Perhaps he is accompanying you to study. I don't know.

Once, I asked if you want to go home and change since you said you were not appropriately dressed for Zouk, your reply was, "You should know I can't go out after I go home." I was willing to accept. But the next day when Jude and the guys wanted to drink. You told them that you need to go home and change since you were in shorts. It was 11 p.m. then. I was disappointed but perhaps everyone has their exceptions.

When we go out, you would need to leave latest by 11 p.m. But when Jude asked you what time must you leave, you would say ANYTIME. Perhaps you happened to only go home late when I'm around with the guys as well. Or is it because your parents niao you for going out late too often so that's why you try to go home earlier when you are out with us?

With regards to you making the arrangement for meetings, I REALLY can't recall. And YES, trust is lacking. How can I trust you when Jude is always with you? I won't know if he is reading your messages. I feel that it's the couple's choice to allow each other to read their stuff. But I don't like it when I think we are having a problem because of him and he happens to read my SMSes about the problem or him. I don't dislike Jude. He is kind of my friend. But I do judge him as Tan Yun's boyfriend. Tan Yun, you yourself judge all our boyfriends, in terms of eligibility, looks or any of such sort. So I think this can clearly explain why we (most of us) are all judging him.

Sometimes I think it's not healthy to have only boyfriend as the only contact. Well, for Tan Yun, perhaps you have Jude's friends, your schoolmates or outside friends. I just hope everything is not,"Boyfriend says...." now. I never believe in having to spend all one's free time to nurture a new relationship or with boyfriend. There's more to this in Life!

Something out of point, the way Jude pats Tan Yun's head reminds me of how Jasper used to do that. It really does. You get what I mean?

The only thing I can say is that this is not going to affect our friendship because I TREASURED all of you so much. This relationship is not going to wreck my friendship!

AND ONE HAPPY ANNOUCEMENT! Waikeong won a Hyundai 1.6 Matrix from a lucky draw. :) liting 8:37 PM 0 comments

Okay, okay, time out, TIME OUT everybody!

Argh. What the fuck. See now you guys have made me swear, and I pride myself on not doing that alright?! At least not so much...

Hey, when I suggested this blog thing, I didn't expect it to become an arena for cat-fights okay? I suggested it so that we can all keep in touch, that nothing will change too drastically even if half of us happen to be at the other side of the globe. To begin with, I never knew that we actually have cat-fights, not in the 71/2 years I've known you guys. But this is starting to resemble one, just with forced civility.

And I don't like it. Not at all. What the hell is happening to us?

Every time I think about it, I stop to marvel at the fact that it has just been 2 months. How can so much happen in two months? Its incredible, it really is.

I am starting to think that our story is even more 'exciting' than the girls with the Travelling Pants. Just not in a good way.

I really don't know what to say. I'm too far away, too frustrated, and a little bit too upset about how things can change so fast and so much (is there really no forever?!) to say anything much.

Live and let live.

And just do your exams first! Nothing is more important than that right now okay? I know I sound like nerd, but don't pretend, its all freaking important to you too. Dorothy 6:44 PM 0 comments

I had an entry written in response to Yun's words, but luck has it that it disappeared, I think.

The summary of it is that, it doesn't matter anymore.

You see, since I told you about the blog, you can say that you didn't take anyone's side. But you did. You believed him. If not why are you still with him?

So lets say you can be with someone who lies to you. It must feel shitty.

But at the same time he's slandering your friend. If this friendship is so important, and so precious, how can you be with someone who slanders your friend?

You want to be with a liar, thats fine with me. Free will. You want to be with Jude because you're happy with him, that's your choice too. But you are together with someone who bitches about me online, you found out, he lied, denied, and you believed him and you're still happily with him.

//edit// Its not like I want you to break up with him. You happy can already what.

Its just that its like you just didn't mind your boyfriend lying and badmouthing your friend. Anonymous 4:41 PM

Anne:
It isn't that i don't want to explain. First, regarding all that previous stuff, i wasn't given a chance to. Even when explanation was given, it just went straight out the door.
Recently, I've had problems with my internet connection and the only time i had on internet i had to rush my projects. Okay, not important. Here's your explanation.

Wanqing:
You expected me to talk to you when you "found out" that I got together with Jude. But if you've forgotten, I tried a few times but you said "forget it. since you don't want to say then don't say", "I don't want to talk about it. It's your choice." etc. Do you expect me to push it down your throat when i already know you are already feeling unhappy about it? And it's not that I didn't want to tell you, I just haven't told you and you heard about it before I could have the chance to tell u.
About Jude's blog entry. Once again, I did try to talk to you afterwards but you told me, "don't bother, it's not going to help" Then you logged off. I did try but each time but u dismiss the topic. How do you expect me to talk to you about it when you did that? Oh and you did say yourself you treated me like a stranger when we met up. I wanted to explain to you but how would I dare to when you were so obviously upset?
And what can I say when, i quote, "To her credit, it wouldn't make much difference even if she explained, I will still never believe Jude. " do you see what position i am in?
I was frantic about it. Trust me. I had sleepless nights over it. Ask them. You just weren't there to see it. And I did not once take side. I tried explaining both sides to both party. And, I was later told by some people to just let everythign cool down, don't talk about it. Apparently it backfired.

Liting:
I did try to arrange meetings with you guys. But you guys were not free, and later on, I wasn't even sure whether my presence was welcomed when I realised that you guys are meeting up and didn't ask me along. I msged you to ask you what you were doing, and found out that you guys arranged to meet up. And there were alot of occasions where i read about you guys going out on the blog and i wasn't ask. What was i to conclude out of that? That you guys were waiting for me to meet up? With the stranger treatment, you think I dare to ask you guys out? You think I'm made of wood and don't feel nothing about it? That I won't feel hurt?
You said a few SMSs were not enought. Yes I agree, but because I wasn't meeting up with you guys, I made the effort to SMS u guys to see how u guys were doing. Eventhough sometimes i get patronizing replies.
Why ask me to explain stuff if you are not going to believe me or even hear it with an open mind? You said Jude was there. But he was at ECP Macs, I was at the McCafe. He wasn't reading our conversation cos he wasn't with me. Talk about trust lacking.

And why is it that if jude's around when i'm meeting you i cease to become your fren and become jude's girlfriend? I wanted to study, do work. Jude told me you guys were studying at PP macs so we went there. Seriously, do u think we would have to travel there if i just needed to study. I can just do it at ECP macs.




PS: I know this will stir up another beehive cos everyone has different views and expectations. But here it is. At least this is what I think. If you think that that shouldn't have made me feel that way, I'm sorry, but it did. Yun 3:36 PM 0 comments

Firstly, I thank WQ for her faith in me. =)))

next, i wanna clarify that 'wait n see' attitude is not the equivelent to take a back seat. Just in case that was how it was viewed. I just mean to say what WQ said about free will...

thirdly, it was fence not french. my spelling a bit terok

fourthly, maybe i am getting the wrong vibes... but y is everyone getting so frightened that this issue will ruin our friendship? from how i see it, we have a strong foundation, going through a rough patch doesn't have anything to do with undermining the fundamentals of our relationships. OK... so we have issues... so what? talk about, stew on it, forget about it for a while to distance urself... what i am saying is sometime problems don't get solved immediately. Sometimes, rush isn't good. sometimes when u rush u get emotional and i am getting a lot of emotional vibes here.

Anyway Yun says she usually don't ask us out also mah. -wait-
- erm yes she does. she's not the only one does it of coz... i do that, liting does that , wq does that... I'm not saying this to say TAN YUN U ARE LYING! ok? no such intention or no intention to say smth agst her... come on man... yunyun n i how close? (prob not as close now lol... we have to remedy that right?? *wink)i am jsut saying that she did ask us out sometimes... mabbe you (yun) aren't that aware of that fact. anyway this is a small pt. coz i agree on qiuyi's pt that "I think for everyone who just started a relationship, you must give them time to spend with each other. There is already school, which I believe Yun has lots to do, plus new relationship which needs nurturing, confirm have less time with friends right?! One day only got 24 hours leh!"

Why must she explain herself and who cares whether she usually call us out or not? As she said, she did not REJECT going out with you just coz of Jude mah.

I believe u are the one saying this right Qiuyi? No one needs to explain herself. but if one did, misunderstanding wouldn't be happening right?

and yes qiuyi u sound Ah lian. Anne 12:45 PM 0 comments

Just reconnected after a week of revision and I'm catching up on the entries.

Shoutouts to the Goneaways! and after the weekend's incidents I'm giving moderator rights to everyone.

Now, about the Singapore Girls:

1. Yes I haven't seen Yun for ages, and does Szejia even know about this blog? I saw Alice briefly last week though. This has to be because after all of you left, I only met up with 3/4 of the girls 6 weeks ago for Carl's Junior. And horrors of horrors, that was the only group meeting we did after the last sending off.

The problem is not that we were all busy with meeting up, but it has to be that no one is taking initiative to organise anything. It used to be Liting and Anne, but Liting is taking 10 modules this sem, which is more than what I took this entire year, and Anne is obviously abroad. But i think if we force her she would organise it through internet SMS and MSNing, and succeed at it too.

2. Yun + Me = Disappointment/Misunderstanding?

You can call it all a misunderstanding, but I don't think I am misunderstood because it seems quite clear to me that everyone knows my stand. But as Qiuyi says, the situation is difficult and seems quite imposssible to solve.

Yes I am unhappy with Yun, not because she got together with Jude, because that is free will. I have long given up on worying about anyone's choices, because I learnt not to - Liyi and Alex, Yun and Jude has made me feel apathetic towards Qiuyi and Fongguan's breakup, which I would have fret over and possibly lost some sleep on before. We're all old enough to choose what we think we want now, be it if it is really good for you in the long run or not.

But, I am unhappy with Yun because of the way she handled the situation. Firstly, she didn't tell me anything about Jude at all, not even after they got together. And even when I heard from Qiuyi and Liting, I didn't really get any explanation or word from her, which as a friend, I expected to get. I needed an explanation from her not because getting together with Jude was WRONG; all I expected was some clarification on how she felt, because as a close friend I want to know why, how, where, when. Which is what I would provide if I was in her position; I would sit all of you down, on MSN or around a marche table, to spill the beans and await some questions.

After barely a week from that, with my accidental stumbling across Jude's blog, I told her about it. Yes I did get an SMS apology from Jude, but I did not need that and I stated specifically to her that it wouldn't help the matter. She called or MSNed (i can't remember) to say that it wasn't about me, which to date I disbelieve. I expressed that to her but even today, I still felt that she simply sided a new boyfriend rather than listen or call or meet me to clarify my side of the story. There was no urgency to let me see what she saw, explicit explanation, or frantic behaviour. After that day, she just left it as that. To her credit, it wouldn't make much difference even if she explained, I will still never believe Jude.

So why "stranger" treatment for Yun? Its not on purpose, but on the two occasions I saw her, I just really did not feel like speaking to Yun. Maybe out of disappointment? To tell the truth I've never felt more disappointed in a friend before.

But for Yun, just feeling lost, hurt, and helpless is not helping anything. Neither is listening to your boyfriend, for that matter. Because things are really bleak now. I may expect too much for a friend, but when it comes to misunderstandings and problems, I expect from you what I would do in your place. Is that too much? Because if my expectations are wrong or too high, then it spells that there is a disparity between the treatment of friendship in the first place.

On the positive side, I feel really happy for Yun that she is happy in her relationship, because I expected her not to be.

So, actually, I think Liting is right. That no one should take a back seat in friendship. Anonymous 9:36 AM 0 comments

I want to smack all of your equator-sun-rays-roasted ass man! Just sit down and talk lah! Kaoz! Difficult also must do mah! Now you got excuses say exams then what? Wait until we get back ar? Cows would have gone from Davis to Singapore liao.

The friendship is important to all of us, that is why there are such feelings. I choose to believe that no one wants to lose it. So FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

*needs to calm down

I think for everyone who just started a relationship, you must give them time to spend with each other. There is already school, which I believe Yun has lots to do, plus new relationship which needs nurturing, confirm have less time with friends right?! One day only got 24 hours leh! Fuck, I am sounding so Ah Lian. Which means haven't calm down yet. Anyway Yun says she usually don't ask us out also mah. -wait- Why must she explain herself and who cares whether she usually call us out or not? As she said, she did not REJECT going out with you just coz of Jude mah. No matter whether he come out of jail or is a geeky nerd, as long as Yun has chosen him, we should support her. If it turns out to be ugly, all the more she needs us. If we are not there for her, imagine that pain. If it turns out all happy and gay, we should be even happier that she is in good hands. For people on the other side of the story, whatever you want to say, whatever you feel, you have to voice it to her before it can be resolved. If hanging on to what you think is going to solve the problem, we would not be in predicament.

Basic point, give chance.

I get frustrated when I talk about this coz friendship is so bloody important to me. And I have this dream group of friends and I am so afraid they are all going fall apart because over an issue which I think CAN be resolved. Please just try. Please please please.

I'm listening to the very extremely small collection of Mambo songs and missing the times we go crazy together. We are so sane now. I say "Fuck You!" to growing up. Qiuyi 2:32 AM 0 comments

First, let me state, I am not siding anyone, I am sitting on a fench and smelling cow dung in Davis.

I think what Liting is driving at... is that fact that Pre-Jude, Yun actually does call us and say... "oie wanna go out not?" "Are you free?" and now, that has disappeared and the only time the other people in S'pore see her is... when they ask Yun to go out... see the diff?

The thing about this group of us is that we are very rash with our judgement, don't like change all that much and being an impatient bunch of girls who totally love and care about each other, it translates sometimes to alot of frustration and disappointment.

Time does matter in this scheme of things, not everything can be solved efficiently. People react and manage different scenarios, situations differently and perhaps what we have to do is to simply be on hand to support each other and just let events play out. I know that it is sometimes hard when you see so many loopholes, so many ditches that others can and most probably (in your mind) will fall into. and being friends, you just want to stretch out that hand of yours and pull them back before they actually trip n fall face in. however, perhaps a shouted warning may suffice. The ditch will be avoided, diaster averted, clothes are cleaned and friend simply goes on walking. Maybe what we need to acquire is a wait and see attitude.

Good luck for the exams... and this post is not complete...but i need to rush to catch the bus to Sacramento.

LOVE U Anne 1:54 AM 0 comments

Sometimes I feel that I'm just too quick with my words that people are hurt in the process. Pride is holding me back from apologising. Anyway what is said cannot be taken back. It's not that I feel I am in the wrong but I don't want the strong words (in others' perspectives) used in getting the message across to hurt. They are never meant to hurt.


1:00:11 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: y do u always assume the worst of ppl?
11:00:21 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i didn't blog cos i didn't have internet connection
11:00:35 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i am now at a mac, that's y i have internet connection
11:00:52 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: oh ya
11:00:54 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: and i know i haven't been meeting up with u guys, that's y i try to keep in contact by sms-ing
11:00:59 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: happy birthday to Jude
11:01:01 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: and y bother is not referring u
11:01:16 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i noe u think my blog entry was about u guys
11:01:22 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: but it wasn't
11:01:25 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i was talking about my project mates
11:01:35 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: pple has been asking to me to read it
11:01:37 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: so i read it
11:01:47 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: and i have been complaining about my project mates to dot and anne wat
11:01:52 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i really wasn't referring to u guy
11:01:53 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: s
11:02:07 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: after what ur explanation i NEVER think u're writing abt us
11:02:16 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: okie... sorry
11:02:32 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: and it's not i dun wanna meet u guys
11:02:54 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: it's just that i thought u guys didn't want to meet me... i was hurt... cos i realised a few times when u were out and u didn't call me
11:03:07 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: YAH I GAVE UP
11:03:16 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: CALLING YOU
11:03:20 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: it's not like i ever told u i'm meeting jude so i can't meet u
11:03:28 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i never once said that wat
11:03:36 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: when u guys do call me i go wat
11:03:38 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: yep!
11:03:46 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: it's not abt this yun
11:03:50 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: then?
11:03:54 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: it's not abt "we call then you come"
11:03:56 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i really dun understand
11:03:59 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: it's more to it
11:04:12 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: but i've always been like this wat... it's not like i attached le then i changed wat
11:04:18 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i'm sorry
11:04:19 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: friendship is more than that
11:04:29 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i'll try to arrange something k
11:04:29 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: and u must understand
11:04:31 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: you think you nv change but you did
11:04:46 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: i noe wanqing was really affected by the jude thing and everytime when we are out, it is SO awkward
11:04:46 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: hello! JUDE who is NOW FUCKING READING THIS
11:04:58 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: i'm not going to talk abt it when he's ard
11:05:05 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: she treats me like a stranger
11:05:08 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: anyway i have two exams tmr
11:05:09 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: no he's not here
11:05:21 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: so talk another day
11:05:26 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: how did i change?
11:05:37 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: i don't know..
11:05:40 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: alright, nvm. u go study
11:05:42 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: wanqing
11:05:43 PM t_yun@hotmail.com: good luck for ur exams
11:05:51 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: isn't that hostile towards u anymore
11:05:56 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: she's recovering
11:06:07 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: she actually asked me not to blog abt it
Away Message: Busy (11:06:23 PM)
11:06:24 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: coz SHE thinks you will be upset
11:06:45 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: i blog abt it coz dot has this blog abt it
11:07:04 PM t_liting@hotmail.com: so just thought that I should give a proper explanation

P.S: Jude was there at ECP Mac.


It's not that I think of the worst of all situations. It's just that trust is lacking. Tan Yun is not the only one upset and lost. I can said that Wanqing is equally upset. She stood up for Yun when I was angry, just like I stood up for Yun when she was angry. So everybody STOPS pressing Wanqing. For your record, the last time the both of them went out together was 1 1/2 months ago. No one is at fault. I guess what Wanqing needed is reassurance from Tan Yun. I know Tan Yun feels very lost about it. Perhaps there is why nothing has been done. But avoidance is just going to make things worse. And I BELIEVE we are all old enough to manage relationships, even first.

That's all I have to say. Or else I can't settle down to studying. liting 12:19 AM 0 comments

Spot what is NOT here=) Anne 7:07 AM 0 comments

As i was walking towards PP Mac, this thought just crossed my mind. My friends are actually amateurs David Cooperfield. After performing the disappearing acts, they didn't know how to appear again.

Why the fuck is everybody having fun, getting drunk and i'm studying??? Fuck! I hate exams! liting 11:53 PM 0 comments

Why is everyone forcing me into knowing about their sexual lives these past couple of days?! And its not like we do this all the time. In fact, for friends of 71/2 years, it is strange that we know next to nothing about one another's sexual preferences/fantasies/whatever! Then suddenly, people started coming out of the closet of sexual inhibitions and becoming sexual liberals. Its like leaping from a convent school to SATC's New York!

I need time to adjust alright? *grin*

Just yesterday, I was scarred for life by the visuals conjured up by a MSN chat with Liyi regarding the relationship between dick size and insecurity. Too much details! Was blinded by the horrendous mind images (think along the line of using mouths as measuring instruments). Will need time to recuperate. Hmm... maybe quite a long time. HAHA.

Now, Dooey has to tell us that her sexual fantasies involves public toilets.

HAHA.

Anyway, I got drunk last night too. Fell off my bike and a couple of Danish guys (whom if I remember correctly, are rather dishy) were really shocked, and kept asking me if I'm okay - all because I had 7 freaking beers. Or more. Can't remember. Then I proceeded to act like a child, and sat at the side of the street, sulking (for God knows why), and being really pissed because according to drunken me, 'Singaporeans don't fall down'.

Boyfriend has just called me a jiu gui. I think he is not very pleased with me and my drinking habits.

But heck it - I am after all in Denmark. And the Danes drink like fishes, even by European standards, which is saying a lot. Dorothy 7:11 PM 0 comments

I got a huge banana from my DC and when I showed it to my roommates they started feeling it and measuring it. The next day, Mimi (my Korean Roommate) bought an even BIGGER banana to show us. No I didn't measure it... but i did touch it.

I'll take a photo of my suite's wall to show u gals something.

Dot i think you are hilarious! extremely... Dot es muy divertido y comico.

and liting when i do get attached. I am still going to say this... I WUN BE LIKE SPENDING all my time with BF... coz u know y? coz the type of guy that I like wouldn't be one who needs to monopolise my time and u know i am the type of person who skeptically questions couples who meet everyday. I know i've asked u and the rest why u guys have to see each other everyday.

and if you think u have been maligned, please blog about it. if you think u have not be maligned, please blog about it. if you think that this has nothing to do with you, please blog about it. if you think this whole paragraph is a bunch of crap... please blog about it.

and read my blog ok?;) Anne 2:22 AM 0 comments

Okay, I woke up this morning, and found Dooey online (at 2 am Seattle time?!). She then told me that my 'blog is causing quite a controversy'. I was like, "huh? What blog? How come? *insert million other questions*". So, she was refering to the entry I wrote late last night on the mass blog :P More questions: why is it causing such a controversy?!

Being the very lame and cheap thrill person that I am, I started feeling like a mini-celebrity when Wanqing came to tell me the exact same thing that Dooey just did! Haha. Apparantly, my entry had baffled quite a few people and caused quite a stir among a number of others. The situation amuses me, and I got a kick out of how everyone is speculating about what I wrote *grin* So I dubbed myself the Lady of Mystery! Hehe, don't hit me, I know this is, in Dooey's exact word, freaking sai.

Anyway, with great powers come great responsibility (okay, now you can hit me). So I should really clear up the air a little. Thing is, Liting has already done it for me. Which means that this entry is pure nonsense and has no other function whatsoever, but to irritate the hapless reader. HAHAHA!

On the other hand, to be more serious about this whole saga, people involved please, please, please meet up in a diplomatic setting (read: nice and peaceful) and settle all differences. I do not, and have never, encourage a 'thrashing out' session, simply because I don't like it very much myself. Therefore, I will advise that no use of intimidation be used against anyone, and that in the course of the discussion, everyone should be respected as having equal rights to speech + personal values/convictions (and refreshements of course, if it drags on).

And yes Liting, I TOTALLY agree. I dislike insecure little boys. I believe (although research has not yet been done on this subject of interest - may embark on it personally soon) that insecurity and dick size are inversely proportionate. E.g. If you are wildly insecure, you'll most likely have a toothpick-sized manhood. People who may have personal experiences that contradicts this hypothesis may speak up. On the other hand, please be aware that speaking up may also mean agreeing to a physical examination involving rulers (the length of which may varies according to need).

I have no idea why I'm crapping so much here. May be my defense mechanism kicking in to protect me from the ridiculous amount of readings that I should be doing, but am not.

Dorothy 6:07 PM 0 comments

Last night I was chatting with Dot about friendship. Prior to that I was talking to Wanqing and Eugene about it.

So the issues that were discussed are such:

1) The disappearing acts that my friends performed after being attached, namely Tan Yun and Sze Jia. Perhaps they are busy. But I never believe that one can be so busy that they have no time for friends. Unless all the free time from school and family is spent with boyfriends. Alice can be considered as one performing such disappearing acts too.
Occasional meet-ups end up with, "What are you girls doing later? If there's nothing much, I would just go and meet XXX."

2) Friendship is more than a mere SMS in a few weeks. It requires effort to maintain it.
When was the last time I met up with them? The last time I met Sze Jia was during Dot's farewell at Crystal Jade. It's like she went overseas too. For Tan Yun, it was when Jude came to find Eugene and I happened to be there. It felt like it was Jude's girlfriend tagging along.

3) How can seven and a half years of friendship compared to anything?
At least in my own perspective. No offence to those who disagree.

4) Friends are not to be taken granted for.

5) I hate to be the one taking the initiative to arrange for meet-ups.

6) I'm not going to believe in anyone who says," I will never be like that when I get attached." So Anne and Alice, please don't tell me that.

Something out of point that we discussed: I dislike insecure men boys who disallow girlfriends to go out with guys or anything.

P.S: For those who think that they have been misunderstood. Do tell me. I'm willing to listen :) liting 1:57 PM 0 comments

Alright girls, I've been hearing stuff I don't really like about what is going on bach home.

Seriously, I've just been gone for two months and an incredible amount of things had been happening within this time?!

Anyway, I sense that everything is just an misunderstanding, so please everyone, do NOT jump to conclusions about another one else alright?

Just sit down and talk can or not?!

Argh. Frustrating.

And I'm already having PMS okay?! :P

You guys better sort it out before I come home ah. Or else everyone gets hell!!!

Haha, I'm talking like everyone is scared of me. Am happily deluded.

*lalala* Dorothy 3:29 AM 0 comments

Hallo I just came online to book Potter tickets for eight people but everyone seems to be out of sorts?!

I just want to say that I'm okay (except that I'm not very prepared for the exams!)

I've been hanging out with Liting lately and I am her pet da bian. And she thinks that she is studying harder than me (which she is) because I arrive later than her, leave earlier than her and still watch VCDs at home. :s

Anyway I just woke up not in the best state to blog! So BYE. Anonymous 11:03 AM 0 comments

Hey, I've got an announcement for you girls. Don't intend to announce to the whole world but this is the best method to inform all of you.

FG and I have broken up. It was a graceful breakup. We are still best of pals. We are both ok.

At least he told me he was ok. Reason was we thought it was time and he had straigthened out his thinking. And that helped me straighten out my thinking as well. So it is less about China, more about the fact that it is time to settle it once and for all.

We had our good times together and we've seen each other through the rough patches of our lives. To the both of us, that is good enough other then some nagging regrets.

I hope all of you can wish us well and be happy for us. Coz that is really how I want it to be.

End of announcement. Qiuyi 6:19 AM 0 comments

FUCK THE EXAMS FUCK PROJECTS FUCK PAPERS!!!!Liting, just do ur best, don't worry too much abt the results now... pray, pray and study all u can... do ur best, God will do the rest=) Just focus on what u have to do... not the what ifs. Hang in there! Love u! Anne 2:01 AM 0 comments

I had my first paper in the afternoon for my repeated module, Engineering Maths 2. The questions are relatively easy, except that I totally forgot the method of doing. It just simply didn't cross my mind. Made careless mistakes here and there. Why are there so many god-damn formulas and properties? I AM not exaggerating but there are at least 150 fucking formulas, properties and characteristics that I ought to remember and know. Why the fuck is it not an open book? Why must i remember all the fucking Ifs?

(A) Elementary properties of determinants:

1. If every element of a row (or column)
of A is zero, then det(A) = 0.
2. det(A) = det (AT).
3. If all the elements in any row (or
column) of A are multiplied by a
scalar α, then the determinant is
αdet(A).
4. If A is nxn, det(αA) = αndet(A).
5. If B is the matrix obtained from A by
interchanging any two of its rows (or
columns), then det(B) = -det(A).
6. If two rows (or columns) of A are
identical, then det(A) = 0
7. If B is obtained from A by adding to
the i-th row (or column) a scalar
multiple of j-th row (or column) (j ≠ i),
then B = A.

Rong and Wanqing saw Liting under panic attack last night. Panic attack is forecasted to be full blown from this weekend.

I have four fucking papers next week. There's nothing much that I can do other than study more and perhaps pray. I simply hate the feeling of stepping out of the hall, wondering if i would manage to scrape through (it's not even about passing with a decent grade or doing well). Anyone understands? FUCK the exams!

liting 6:40 PM 0 comments