Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Wanqing, you know how I told you i understood how you felt when all of us started rationalizing with you and didn't have much reaction and indignation about THE matter? I did understand how you felt-the frustration, but what I didn't understand and get, was the extent of the frustration, the let down, the disappointment that comes after sharing and discovering that the other person didn't share the same opinion, the same magnitude of reaction that you experienced. Now, I get it. The issue does not have to be big or dramatic. It doesn't even have to be reasonable OR rational. Rationality come eventually (and inevitably), however it should come after the emotions have been soothed. Most of the time, the individual herself might already know what is right/wrong, what should be/should not be, what is reasonable/unreasonable, who's fault it is, who's to blame. But emotions are not always in sync with rationality. That is why we seperate the 'wisdom of the heart' and the 'wisdom of the mind'(ref to Hard Times, Charles Dickens)
I was talking to Qiuyi and Liyi about a matter and I knew who was being unreasonable(me!) but the presence of rationality and the lack of the 'appropriate'amt of reaction really got me down. As though they weren't on my side. Of coz i know they were. but the reaction (or the lack of- complete silence) was really really sad, as though they didn't understand how I REALLY felt (although just like me to u, I claimed i understood). I guess one cannot EXPECT that someone who didn't experience the same thing to feel the same way, and rationally, I understand and accept that. Nonetheless, like you, I am entitled to my feelings and my choice of feeling how I feel. Does it always have to be reasonable? For once in my life, WHY can't I be unreasonable?
Another thing, are we becoming so cynical that we don't get shocked or exhibit any reaction over issues like subtle racism etc? itz as though we are just accepting it and simply verbally condemming it, and thatz it, end of story. Should that be enough? 'what else can we do?' might b the response. Debuse them of this notion, of their ignorance? I'll sleep more on it.
On a brighter note, I want a chalet! and I've been hit by the biggest wave of homesickness ever. I dreamt of my mom and cried in my sleep. Need to call them soon. Gwen, Siying n Aishah sent me a video clip shot on Gwen's birthday. I almost cried too. I received an email from my dad today, I almost cried too. The only reason I didn't has to do with Decorum. I was in a public place.