Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I started on a post. I deleted the post. I am starting on another post. I had a msn conversation with QIUyi and Dot today. I might have just increased their misunderstanding. I might just have misunderstood. but thatz not the whole reason y i became so goddamn frustrated. Doesn't anyone who isn't directly involved in this get it that it isn't about what some one is entitled to do or not? What i think i am entitled to do differs from what another person thinks he is entitled to do. Entitlement is subjective. Ideology is subjective. we cannot base the whole argument on individual ideology coz the premise itself shifts from person to person. What i think is ok might not b ok for the other person. It is not about attributing blame and saying... why is she saying this? or why is she saying that? She shouldn't this, she should that... why can't this why can't that. these are JUST RHETORICAL QUESTIONS that serve no purpose. coz if u tell me this what do u expect me to do about it man? Visit a bomoh and work some black magic? For goodness sake i'm in the STATES.What I see here is just utter madness. There is a problem. THere are problems. State the problem. State the situation. State the hurt. State what u want to state. why do u feel this way? what is the thinking behind it? HELL it doesn't HAVE TO BE RATIOANL ok? emotions are not rational. it can be as illogical as hell but just work with it as a premise and let the healing process start SOMEWHERE. Then FOCUS on solving it instead of... interrupting each other and then digressing and all. and crisscrossing issues. It is distressing EVERYONE.
I requote what i wrote before
sometimes, the trouble with the lot of us is that we do not give people the benefit of a doubt. *We do not have the habit of 'walking in their shoes' as Atticus Finch suggested to Scout, thus not allowing for or tolerating, to a large extent, actions that breach our fundamental concepts of morality, friendships, relationships, etc.
Moreover, we have reached this point whereby we simply speak our minds without actually THINKING of how it would be interpreted, how it would be RECEIVED. The nuances of tone, choice of vocabulary have most of the time been dispensed off. To me at least, to take for granted that your friend KNOWS what you are saying in spite of the tone you are using is foolhardy. So many of us have fallen into this trap. OF COZ i know you want me to do something, of coz i know you don't mean harm or mean to hurt anyone's feelings, of coz i know u would still remain my friend forever, even if u say otherwise. However, what one knows deep inside does get superseded by the immediate message that one receives via the tone used. Reactions would certainly differ accordingly- and that's only human. Multiply this reaction by a few times, and it gets quite scary.
what we need is a little understanding, a little more open-mindedness, we need to know how to 'heal' and reconcile our respective feelings and perhaps listen more. To listen without a preconceived opinion. (or counterarguments in our heads)
When one looks at it in the macrocosmic scheme of things, it doesn't seem as complicated, as MAJOR. Yes, it is inevitable that someone's feelings get hurt sometimes, but what make friends friends is the effort made towards negating this hurt. Perhaps it's not about who is RIGHT or WRONG, for that is subjective, but about accepting that the other person has her own version of the story, her own right/wrong, explaining your own version and finally accepting that these versions might not coincide, and that a consensus, a compromise, may not reached. 'What are we going to do about it then?' Stop talking, go away, and just let the issue go for a while before thinking about it.Accept the conclusion and do what u have to do. (without thinking or talking about it anyone.)
Qiuyi asked me. why does yun have to explain herself? i concur to the fact that she doesn't have to. but when things become as BIG as this. u want misunderstanding or u want understanding? itz jsut circumstances. I sure as hell do not know what yun is going through but it is definitely miserable and shitty... I sure as hell duuno what the rest of u are going through.... coz i'm just not u... but i spent today thinking and thinking and thinking about this and have reached the conclusion that this is a total adsurd state of affairs that we have landed ourseleves into. For GOODNESS SAKE can u guys just step away and just look at what's happening?
there has to be mutual effort made to bridge this gulf... u can't just say what u want and then wait for the next person to make the next move. Realistically the probability of reconcilign is of coz lower right?
and don't ask me rhetorical questions.
on a brighter note. Is WK going to keep the car? w or without COE? got buy 4D or not?